Life has its ups and downs. Its hills and valleys, ebbs and flows. At times you can feel that you are running with clarity and fulfilling your calling then at other times you are walking uncertain of what your next move is.
I am currently in that place of uncertainty in regards to employment. This past year I was working as a Christian preschool teacher to one year olds. This wasn’t my first pick. I wanted to work with the three year olds because that is the age group I had worked with for four years at this same school. I took a year off to work at a private Christian school working as an ELA teacher to 3rd – 7th grade students. That school shut down and I was looking for employment. When I called the director at the preschool, that was the only position left and I gladly took it. Boy am I glad that I did!
I had two sets of classes. I had the Monday/Wednesday group and I had the Tuesday/Thursday group. My classes were fantastic! I had forgotten what it was like when my two boys were that little. There is nothing better than a cuddly hug from a little person and I just loved my little students! As I taught the lessons and played with them I noticed that the one year old class was a more relaxed pace than when I had worked in the 3 year old class. I needed that especially coming off a hectic year at the private Christian school.
Something I noticed as I worked with these precious children was that their level of trust in us (there were two of us teachers in the classroom) began to develop over the course of the year.
At the start of the year, there was absolutely NO trust! They would cry, they would scream, they would reach out for their mommy’s and daddy’s when they were dropped off in the mornings. Phew! Boy was it hard on us. It was so challenging comforting them because there were two teachers against eight children. If one cried then they all cried. Try rocking or holding three of them at once! I couldn’t do it. We had to have extra helpers in the classroom just to rock and hold these precious little ones in an effort to bring them comfort the best way we could. That went on for a solid two weeks!
By mid-year, the children were beginning to trust us though occasionally they would cry for their parents. However, if they did, we redirected them and they would calm down a lot quicker than at the start of the year.
Then later in the year, they were running into the classroom because they couldn’t wait to get inside!
TO TRUST OR NOT
One day, as I was having my morning devotion, I asked the Lord why he sent me to the one year old class and He told me that there were lessons to learn and that He was using the class to teach me. One of those lessons I’ll share today is trust. He was teaching me how to trust by watching my little love bugs. I am a visual and tactile learner and needed to be able to visually see the picture He was presenting. He knew I needed that since He created me that way. God is so good!
However, I didn’t realize I needed a lesson on trust! The first few months of the new year tended to be a stressful time for me. That’s when I’m trying to figure out what to do with my boys regarding school (we homeschool and take it year by year), and whether or not I was going to sign the contract for the following school year.
It was around this time when we as a staff got our letters of intent on a Thursday which had to be signed and turned in that following Tuesday. Well I forgot all about it over the weekend and even up until that Tuesday. I signed it saying that I intended on returning in the fall. However, when I signed it I felt uneasy. It was as if I was supposed to say that I would NOT be returning. I thought it was a fluke so I brushed it off. Well long story short, from that day forward that initial uneasiness never left. I fasted and prayed and felt God telling me not to sign my contract for the upcoming year. I even had a vision that gave me peace that was the direction I needed to go, yet I was fighting it.
That Christian preschool is a great place to work! I love my co-workers, made some friends with staff and parents, the schedule was great, the families were great, and the environment was fantastic! The pay was the only thing that was the downer but it was the only thing. I did. not. want. to. leave. That job was like a security blanket to me. It was familiar. I was comfortable there and really enjoyed being there.
LET IT GO
But God said to let it go and trust Him! Trust Him for my finances, trust Him for my next steps, trust Him for everything! I am finding out through listening prayer, reading the Bible, discussions with my husband and loved ones that I do have an issue with trust. In my heart I know that God will provide for us…He has before and will do it again. God is telling me to wait…to trust Him and that is hard because my family needs income now.
So in this waiting period I am filling myself with His word. I am renewing my mind with His word, getting His perspective on the subject, and walking it out one baby step at a time. In this process I am reminded of Matthew 6: 33 which states,
“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
I am in God’s perfect will for me right now. I know this because He is the one who’s led me to quit my job, and He’s led me to this period of waiting and seeking His kingdom and His righteousness. Right now I am enjoying my free time and the intimacy I am experiencing with Him. As God leads, I am applying to opportunities that arise and am trusting that He will bring me to my next step. It is a daily venture. Step by step, day by day, minute to minute.
In what area is God revealing your level of trust is lacking? Seek Him and ask for His guidance in that area .
Kathryn says
Beautiful, Keisha!